A Diamond-Shaped Scar in the Rough

Tesha didn’t scar easily. That didn’t lessen the pain she felt, but as wounds faded into fresh, unmarked skin, it did decrease the pain others could see. Her pain became a tale with no proof, and her descriptions; dramatic.
 
Holding her hand for the first time in years, I brushed my fingers along its smooth edge, remembering the raised bump they once had to navigate around. The burn had been a perfect diamond. While I and any other sane person that cared about her worried and checked to make sure she was applying burn cream at the right intervals, she talked about what a cool scar it would make. We laughed. We lovingly called her crazy. We didn’t see the wound already as invisible as the diamond shaped burn would one day be.
 
I traced its ghost with my pinky, and she looked down at our interwoven fingers in surprise. “I was thinking about that diamond shaped burn you got back in high school,” I told her.
 
The mask came back on. Her eyes became unfocused, and she tilted her head just enough for her limp brown curls to partially conceal her tense jaw. “It’s not there anymore.”
 
As the burn faded, Tesha faded as well. She became quieter. A shadow of herself. Harder to see, like the diamond she continued to search her hand for.
 
By the time other wounds appeared, I wasn’t aware enough to notice. Dark red cuts bloomed then faded once again into pale skin. She never managed to get her cool scar. I’m embarrassed how long it took me to notice the marks before they could fade and trace them to the scars that didn’t fade underneath.
 
“Sure, it is, I still see it. Remember when it swelled up and looked like a worm?”
 
A release of air was all that was left of her laugh. She used to have such an obnoxious laugh. “How does something that big and disgusting completely disappear?”
 
How did something as important as my friend disappear without my even noticing?
 
“Because your body is constantly fighting for your survival and healing you as much as it can. Maybe even working too hard, because it’s attempting to fix the wounds it has no power over as well. But Tesha, I see your pain now. You don’t need to keep wishing for a scar to prove that you’ve survived.”
 
Tesha tightened her grip on my hand. “I still don’t know how I feel about this,” she confessed, gesturing at the clipboard balanced on her lap.
 
“You’re doing the right thing. All I can do is see your scars. They’ll be able to help you deal with them.”
 
“Katie Brown?” A nurse called in a nasal voice. The woman across from us stood and went to meet him.
 
Tesha watched them for a moment before responding. “I think I know that, but I’ve never been good at admitting when I need help.”
 
“I know, which is why I’m so proud of you for agreeing to come here.”
 
“Maia, I- I’m sorry-“
 
“Tesha, no.” I couldn’t hear her apologize again without thinking of all the apologies I owed her for all the signs I had missed, or worse, ignored. All the apologies I hoped to make once she got the help she needed.
 
“Tesha James?”
 
Instead of standing, Tesha shrank back in her seat.
 
“Tesha, you can do this.”
 
Tesha grabbed my other hand, pulling me into the arm of the chair. “Three days. Right? You’ll come and get me in three days?”
 
“Yes, or in however many days you’re ready. It’s okay if it’s longer than three days.”
 
Tesha nodded, but still wasn’t standing.
 
“Tesha James!” the nurse called again.
 
I stood pulling her up with me. “It’s time to talk to people who will see your scars, Tesha, and know how to help heal the wounds that are still bleeding.”
 
“I don’t know if I’m ready for this. What if it doesn’t help? What if I’m broken forever?”
 
“You’re not broken. Didn’t you know that all real diamonds have flaws? And you’re a diamond in the rough, Tesha.”
 
Tesha made a face, then started laughing in that way I used to hate. It was the most beautiful sound. “In a rough time, you mean.”
 
My laughter hid my tears as she disappeared behind the yellowing doors. She’d be all right. And even though Tesha had no scars, I would remember her pain while she remembered how to smile.