Sway

He told her at the beginning of the vacation, not at the end, a calculation typical of him. He knew she would not fall apart in front of the children, would not want to impart negative vibes to the child growing inside of her. He was right. Even though at that moment, she felt herself knocked upwards, soaring somewhere outside herself, she would never ruin this weekend at Aunty’s farm which they had been looking forward to for so long. She would smile as the three boys raced to pick the late-summer apples in the orchard, relish their unfettered screams and shouts, disturbing only the starlings, which would rise up from the maple trees in a magificent murmuration, a dark shifting teardrop against the slate blue sky. He could squirrel himself away in her childhood bedroom with his phone maybe whispering, yes, yes, I told her, while she and Aunty oversaw the boys’ efforts to dig to China, earning their round-eyed admiration by the deft way they handled the tickle of earthworms wriggling in their palms and black beetles marching up their arms. But later, after the boys finally tumbled helplessly into sleep, and she’d laid a hand on each of their chests as she had each night since they were born, she would go to the three-hundred-year-old Willow Oak, the one that had held her up through the slow death of her father, the quick death of her mother, and wrap her arms around its trunk as far as her belly would allow. Aunty would emerge from the shadows because she would know, of course she would, and touch her shoulder and she would feel her roots lengthing, spreading, anchoring her to the earth and the torrent of chemicals releasing in her body, rushing to seal off the wounded part of her heart before rot set in. And the next morning, when he breezes to the car with bags packed, making excuses to the boys, who would be only half-listening because work excuses were nothing new and they would be wanting to run off to feed the chickens anyway, she would stand with her bare feet planted in the wild grass by the drive and wave goodbye, swaying, swaying, swaying, but never breaking.